Been so not good for past few days. Worried about the things that I've been doing for quite a while and never realized it up to now. I never thought that I could be a complete A** H*** and can screw up everything, big time. After several months of having a special bond which we called "try", it finally ended last Nov 7.
I still remember that night, when I told her" why don't we give it a try". Despite the idea of a long distance relationship she said "Yes". Then after three days, I left for Manila, for first few days, the exchange of messages was frequent, like normal couple who misses each other. But after few weeks, I don't know what had gotten into me. I wasn't able to keep up with the responsibility even for simple way of replying her text messages. Until she buzzed me with her message "do you still want this to work?". I apologized to her and somehow it fixed that issue after a whole night of talk about it (through text messages). When she told me that she's goining to Bicol and would stay in Manila for few days, I immediately filed for a leave to be with her. While together, conversations regarding our conflict religion was brought up, which was never an issue between us before. Then she started talking about what happened way back in Zamboanga, how she waited for my text messages just to show that I still care for her. She was telling me like "what if after a few days of being together here in Manila, it will happen again?I don't want to go back to Zamboanga and to hope again that you would still care for me, that's why, if we can't handle it, let's call it off..."
I didn't want it first, I forced my self to make it up, But there was nothing I havendone that pleased her. I met her father formally with her brother the night before her flight to Zamboanga. The whole night was a total disaster for her, as I failed her expectation again. I was also thinking of my own "like" to happen. As we were waiting for our ride back home, there was a silence again. I didn't talk the whole time we were together that day, except when we met her father and brother. She broke the silence with her comment "kanina ka pa di nagsasalita, napipikon na ko"..Then I said "lahat ng gusto ko ayaw mo, and then you are asking me what do i want?what do you want me to say?"..There was a silence again, then we sat on one of the benches in Mall of Asia and finally talked seriously. There was an exchange of blame and complaints, both parties seemed to be of against each other. 'Til both of said, "Ok, let's call if of"..As I said "if you think that there is no way for us to make this working, then let's call it off"..We ended the conversation that night with both parties agreeing to call it over. She was crying while we were talking, it was not easy for both us to say it though, but we let go with one another that night.
Among my previous relationships, my relationship with Kristine, is the one that has the most meaningful end for me. I learned a lot of things that will make me a better person, a better man to my woman. She is in Zamboanga now, and we are still texting, we are still friends. I may always know what happen, but for me and Kristin, I'm sure that if we can't be together again, we will remain as good friends.
